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2015年2月23日 星期一

恭喜Hannah!托福考取高分,寫作項目勤練真的是高分保證喔!More testimonials from students...

這是Hannah的成績單,一戰成功背後有苦練的心血。

昨天收到Hannah的來信,經過她同意,我將她寫給我的信上傳跟大家分享。Hannah有上我的寫作與聽說課程,教練將學生的實戰成績公布,這麼做的目的是激發大家寫作的動力與決心。這些年來教寫作課程,發現一件事情,那就是持續不斷交作業並且練習的同學,幾乎都能拿到25分以上。同學們能拿到寫作項目的高分,歸功於勤練。教練的批改只是一個輔助的動力,所以大家一定要記得多寫作。2/14出現的托福寫作獨立題考題,也包含在教練出版的寫作書裡面,這個題目看似簡單但是不好寫。教練將自己寫的範文提供給大家參考,也恭喜Hannah, 希望她GMAT也能拿到高分,最後申請進理想的學校。


34. What would you do to improve your health? 
To watch the kind of food you eat, increase the amount of exercise, or reduce the amount of stress. 
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
為了讓身體更健康,你會選擇怎麼做?是注意飲食?增加運動?還是試圖減輕壓力?請舉例說明你的選擇。

Outline


Introduction
Thesis Statement:
Exercise is the best choice to improve my health.
Body
Topic Sentence 1:
Food is an important factor in one’s health; however, not much choice.
Detail/example:
ü  busy lifestyle have little choice
ü  food choices are quite limited
ü  exercise controls weight and combats disease
       Topic Sentence 2:
Living stress-free; also good, but again, easier said than done.
Detail/example:
ü  Stress cannot be controlled sometimes
ü  Stress is sometimes an indication of success
ü  Exercise improves mood and boosts energy
Conclusion
Exercise is the easiest choice and the effects are more long-lasting.


Sample Essay 34

436
Introduction/Thesis
主題段:如果要改善身體狀況讓自己更健康,要先運動。
現代人要改善健康最常想到的三件事情就是飲食、運動與減壓。這三件事情當然可以同時進行,不過有時候得先選一個最重要的來施行比較好。我個人覺得,如果要改善身體狀況讓自己更健康,我會先選擇運動,而不是注意飲食與減壓。

When modern people think of ways to improve their health, three main ideas come to mind; food, exercise and stress. In real life, we can implement changes in all these areas at once, but we sometimes have to choose to concentrate on one area first. Personally, to improve my health, I would choose exercise before I chose to change the type of food I ate or the amount of stress I had.

Body/Supporting Point 1
例證與陳述1食物雖然對一個人的健康很重要,但是我們的選擇不多,不管我們是如何小心翼翼。當代人都太忙碌了,也沒法子每天都在家裡準備健康飲食。而且就算有時間準備健康的飲食,可能也沒能力烹調,有時候只能買外賣。但不管怎麼說,當代人無論怎麼吃還是會攝取到一定營養,所以這跟完全沒運動是不能相提並論的。規律的運動好處多多,而且無論性別年齡與體能都可以受惠。運動能幫我們維持體重,同時還能對抗很多疾病,如中風、代謝症候群、第二型糖尿病、憂鬱症與某些癌症,也能預防關節炎與跌倒。

To begin with, food is certainly an important factor in one’s health; however, there is sometimes not much choice as to what we eat, no matter how conscious about it we are being. A modern life means a busy life and we don’t all have the luxury to be able to prepare healthy food for ourselves at home. Moreover, even if we did have the time to prepare healthy food, we might not have the skills and it goes without saying that it’s much easier to get takeout. In any case, the food a modern person eats still provides nutrition – unlike how people today totally lack in exercise. The health benefits of regular exercise and physical activity are hard to ignore. And the benefits of exercise are ours for the taking, regardless of our age, sex or physical ability. Regular exercise helps us prevent excess weight gain and at the same time, enables us to combat disease and conditions such us stroke, metabolic syndrome, type 2 diabetes, depression, certain types of cancer, arthritis and falls.

Body/Supporting Point 2
例證與陳述2無壓力的生活,確實是改善健康狀況最好的方式,但同樣的,減輕壓力這種事情很難貫徹執行。雖說有時候壓力意味著我們的生活忙碌且可能是成功人士。但糟糕的是,壓力的控制比較難,因為通常跟工作或是生活中的義務有關。不過好消息是,透過運動就能減壓。運動完會覺得心情好,同時也能增強體能與耐力。舉例來說,慢跑游泳都是好選擇,不但能舒壓,運動完還會心情好。規律的運動能增進自信,讓我們自我感覺更好。

Next, living a stress-free life is also one way to improve one’s health; but again, it is sometimes hard to relieve the stress in our lives. Even though stress can sometimes be regarded as an indication of a life that is productive and even successful, it can be a threat to our health. What’s worse, stress is hard to control, as it comes from work or from other important obligations, but the good thing is that exercise can help relieve stress and give us that emotional lift we need, and at the same time boost our energy and endurance. For example, a good run or a good swim can certainly relieve the tension from an entire day of hard, stressful work and we may also feel better about ourselves when we exercise regularly, which can boost our confidence and improve our self-esteem.

Conclusion
結論:要增進健康的方式,最簡單的其實就是運動。注意飲食跟減壓當然值得努力,但這兩者都沒有運動要來得重要。

I hope I have expressed clearly my opinion that to improve your health, it’s easiest to add exercise to your life. Of course, improving the kind of food you eat and reducing stress are goals to strive for, too – but they are secondary to a good amount of regular exercise.

u  字詞解析

modern people
現代人
… come to mind
映入腦海的是……
in real life
真實的生活狀況
implement changes in all these areas
透過這些方式進行這些改變
there is sometimes not much choice as to what we eat, no matter how conscious about it we are being
有時候吃的東西沒什麼選擇,不管我們如何謹慎跟注意飲食
we don’t all have the luxury to
我們沒時間去(因為時間對忙碌的現代人來說是奢侈的,所以才會用luxury這個字)
it goes without saying
不用說(大家都曉得的)
it’s much easier to get takeout
買外賣的飲食比較容易
in any case
無論如何/不管怎樣
people today totally lack in exercise
當今人們非常缺乏運動
hard to ignore
難以忽視的
regardless of
不管/無論
regular exercise helps us prevent excess weight gain
規律的運動幫助我們避免增加體重
to combat disease and conditions
對抗疾病與不健康狀態
stroke
中風
metabolic syndrome
代謝症候群
type 2 diabetes
第二型糖尿病(通常非遺傳,因為肥胖所導致)
certain types of cancer
某些癌症
depression
憂鬱症
arthritis and falls
關節炎與跌倒
a stress-free life
無壓力的生活
to relieve stress
減輕壓力
an indication of a life that is productive and even successful
忙碌充實甚至成功人生的徵兆
a threat to our health
一個危及我們健康的威脅
what’s worse
更糟糕的是
give us that emotional lift we need
給我們所需的情緒提振(讓心情變好)
boost our energy and endurance
增強體力與提升耐力
a good run or a good swim can certainly relieve the tension from an entire day of hard, stressful work
好好跑一跑或是好好游個泳,絕對能舒緩一整天因為辛勤工作所帶來的壓力
boost our confidence and improve our self-esteem
增進自信以及強化自尊心
I hope I have expressed clearly my opinion that
我希望我已經清楚解釋
to add exercise to your life
把運動帶入生活/讓運動成為生活的一部分
goals to strive for
努力的目標
secondary to
……相比是次要的











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